Choices, Choices, Choices

COPIED FROM FLIRTY AUTHOR BITCHES

Now that is what I call good timing…I was sitting yesterday thinking about how the choices we make in life effect so much and so many people and today is my day to blog here.

Choices…the choices we make so effect everything around us. The choice of to write or not to write, to marry young, to raise a child alone, to end an engagement, to move far away from everyone you know, to end a relationship that has lasted many years…

I list these things cause they are all choices that have effected me and my family. I married young and ended up trying my best to raise first a daughter and then an unplanned son by myself. My family tried to help but in many ways their help ended up being more of a hindrance than any true help to me. The choices I made when my daughter was small came back to bite me in the ass big time years later, cause in the end it made worse the down hill slide that led to me not being allowed to raise my children even though that is the only thing in this world I ever wanted to do. I married again to have a friend and helpmate with my children and ended up in a worse situation than I was in before.

For my daughter who is now 18 almost 19 it was the choice to end an engagement that she had been having second thoughts about for a few months. She was dating a gentleman (and I use that term loosely here) that was 10 years older than she is and in the military. While at times he was very good to her…most of the time he was trying to force her into a box that she does not fit in. My lovely daughter has mental health issues…she is bi-polar, ADHD and suffers from PTSD due to the things that happened in her childhood. Now he was told all of these things. Yet he still insisted that she change everything about herself to fit who he wanted for a wife. When she decided she had had enough of his mind games, she was verbally attacked (ok it was on facebook) by his sister or her husband about growing up and that she was mooching off of James because she was living there and not working. Now James wanted her there…he kept bringing her back up there to be with him. Seems hard to believe that it was all one sided. But then what do I know…I am just a dumb blond truck driver…

Since I now have my daughter back…for how long I do not know…we will need to find an apartment for us. Because I drive 18 wheeler that means I can live just about anywhere I want. The problem is I do not really know where I want to live. But I think that I have come to a decision. The company I work for is based out of Murray, KY so I am thinking that to help me keep my resolve to KEEP this job instead of looking for another one, I will move to Murray KY, (LMAO) Sounds like a good plan to me. I have to live somewhere, and if I live in Jacksonville FL where my mother lives and I have stayed off and on for the last 8 years I am just going to end up back at my mothers house at some point and that will not help matters any. So a decision to move hundreds of miles away from what I know is a hard decision but it is one that I have recently made.

My daughter is having to make a few hard decisions of her own. She is seeing someone that I do not particularly care for…this has many reasons but the most obvious to me is that he has not held down a full time job in over 3 years at least to the best of my knowledge. I know this because I worked with him almost 3 summers ago at the carnival I worked for most of 7 years myself. That is where he met my daughter. At the time she was 16 and he refused to stay away from her. Nothing physical happened between them but that is not the point, he could not accept the fact that she was still a minor and he should not be trying to date her until after she turned 18. Now he wants her to move to Rhode Island where he intends to rent space from a couple for them to live in…hello what if something happens?????? Then she is stuck 1/2 way across the country with no family to be there for her. She is still only 18 but she will be 19 in March…but still…this is my daughter. The daughter that was taken from me for so long. The daughter I want to have a better life than I had. The daughter I want to help graduate from high school and get a degree of some kind or at least find a career path that she enjoys before she is gone from me forever.

Choices…I made the choice before to allow her to follow her “heart” and go to Virginia and that went wrong. I want to allow her the right to do what she wishes and see if things will work out with Dan but I also want to give her some kind of safety net in case it does not work out. I know this guy and he is still extremely juvenile and I feel that after a while it will get on Claire’s nerves and she will find that she cannot handle having him around all the time. I do not want to have to drive from Kentucky (or where ever I happen to be) to Rhode Island to come to her rescue…which I will do because I am her mother, and I love her with all of my heart. She is my first born child and the only one of my kids that I have any contact with at the present moment. God help me I want to help her make the right choices without her feeling that I am trying to force her into a box she does not fit into. I am afraid she is rushing things because she is so desperate for love and stability.

It seems that everyone is telling her to take time and do not rush anything…hello since when did telling a teenager anything get them to do what we (as adults) wanted them to do???? From my memory the more my parents and other adults told me to do one thing the more determined I was to do what I wanted to do anyway just to prove to everyone that I could. And I know how well that worked out for me. How do I as a parent go about herding her in the right direction…it seems that I am going to resort to blackmail. I have told her that if she moves to Rhode Island then she will be responsible for her student payments towards her high school diploma along with the course she chose to take even though she did not have a job to pay for it. She will also have to pay her own cell phone bill. That made her think twice about it all. I did give on one area (see I have learned from what my parents did to me) even though I do not want to allow it, I will allow Dan to come live with us and for them to share a room. This thought makes me cringe badly, but it is that or try and force the issue and she will do just what she wants consequences be damned.

The last thing I mentioned was ending a long relationship. This is effecting my family at the moment. My middle sister has decided after 9 years with her husband part of them dating/living together and part of them married, that she wants out. Now she has a son that is 15 almost 16 (and mildly autistic) and his step-father is the only father he has ever known. Now he is going to lose the close contact he has come to count on. They also have a son together. My littlest nephew is almost 4 and seriously autistic. My brother-in-law has been his sole caretaker since he was about 6 months old and they discovered that he was disabled. She is willing to basically throw her baby away cause “she cannot handle him” This makes me want to scream bloody murder. I would give almost anything to have my children and she is going to allow hers to walk away. I cannot even talk to her because she has decided that I am scum and I am no longer her sister…another choice. All because she does not like the choices I have made. Choices I live with each and every day.

As you sit at your computer reading and chatting with people online, remember that if there are people in the other room of your home that those people are very important also. At time I have found that we as a society have gotten lost in cyber space at the detriment of those we love. Make a choice today to spend quality time with your significant other and with children that are still willing to spend at least a few minutes with the parents that are quickly becoming insignificant to them. You never know when the choice to be with the ones you love will be taken away from you.