Out With The Old...

So today is the last day of 2009. It has been an interesting year to say the least for me at least. I was engaged, broke up with him, met someone new, dating again, I have gotten my daughter back. Some things were most enlightening to say the least.

The messed up engagement was to a guy I had known for around 3 years now. We had dated off and on during that time. In the end, he decided he was not ready for a relationship and that he already had too much on his plate to be involved. To me that meant he was still too much a child for a grown up relationship. He was more interested in his video games than me. Oh well, his loss and better before the wedding than after it.

I have talked to my second husband more in the last year than I have in the years since we split up. To my understanding, he is now dying of some kind of cancer. At one point early in the year, he wanted to get back together with me. No thanks. Now I wait to find out just what is going on with him.

I have done day labor, counted stock, worked at the carnival and been unemployed this year. Right now I am drawing unemployment. Not much but just barely enough to pay my rent and a little gas for my pickup.

The guy I am dating, I wonder about sometimes. I am going to see what happens this summer when we are together all the time. I do want someone in my life, just not willing to settle for just anyone. I want someone that fits me.

I got the chance of my lifetime when my first husband called me and asked me if I wanted to take my daughter now rather than when she turns 18 in March. Of course I said yes. Unfortunately for me that means I am stuck at my mothers house unless I can come up with the money to put us up somewhere until spring. My daughter is having a hard time adjusting. She misses her friends. She misses her father who cannot be bothered to talk to her when she calls. He is always "too busy" to talk. I have sat here many a night already and tried to make her feel better, but all she does is cry cause she feels that her father does not love her. I do not know what to do for her other than to love her myself.

Christmas was almost nothing. I got a couple of things from my mom. My grandfather gave me the money to purchase a ticket for Florida's Millionaire Raffle that is held every year and drawn on New Years Eve. They give away 9 $1 million prizes plus quite a few smaller ones too. I keep claiming $1 million of it as mine. If I took it in a lump sum it would just be enough to hopefully get me out of debt, into my own place, buy furniture for it and buy me a new vehicle. Might not seem like much, but it would mean having my own roof over my head. Something I have not had in far too many years. And being almost completely out of debt...something I will probable never be able to do on my own.

I do not do New Years Resolutions. I just pray daily that I can be the person God wants me to be, to do what is right and be as loving and forgiving as possible. My New Years Eve will consist of watching television with my daughter and then going to bed. Not real exciting but hey it works for me.

I wish everyone a wonderful and joyous New Year. May you get all you need in life and know happiness.